Sunday, February 24, 2008

Lessons Learned

Oh, and...

I completed my high-risk-driver class today. My fourth and final license-endangering traffic infraction will soon sleep with the fishes...

8.5 hours sitting in a crowded hospital conference room, listening to nurses, patients, victims, and police telling tales of woe and horror to scare "dangerous" drivers, like me, straight...

This, in sum, is what I learned:

1) I strongly dislike jack-ass youths with bad hair.

2) No matter how well you drive, there is always some other jack-ass on the road just ready to kill your family and break your legs.

3) It is, apparently, extremely dangerous to drive 10 miles per hour in a parking lot.

4) Under the right circumstances, former cheerleaders who suffer massive traumatic brain damage can still be sorta-hot, in that easy-retard sort of way...

5) If, for some reason, I am involved in a (god forbid) serious trauma accident, Please Dear God, do not let them take me to Legacy Emanuel Hospital. Those nurses are sadistic fucking bastards who cannot wait to gleefully impale your sorry helpless ass with every know sharp-poking instrument known to man...

It was a good course though. I promise to drive slower.


  1. How many sharp poking instruments did you get jabbed with yesterday?

  2. To be fair, if you were involved in a serious trauma accident, your ass would be the last place you'd have impaled with sharp objects

    and as a critical care nurse, I can confirm that we are all sadistic fucking bastards - and that's on a good day

  3. I have never had a moving violation. Never been in a wreck (when I was driving). Never gotten a speeding ticket.

    Not one.

  4. "high risk driver class"? whatever happened to plain old "traffic school"!?

  5. brian's lead foot8:06 PM

    I am the destroyer, the bringer of death, I shall bring wailing and gnashing of teeth..

  6. Anonymous9:25 AM

    Inog--you know that now you've said that out loud you're sure to get a speeding ticket soon

  7. Do they still have you watch "Red Asphalt?!" That was the best...

    Though, I do think its funny that its easier to get traffic school for drunk driving than it is to get it for speeding in Oregon.


  8. Anonymous11:25 AM

    Mitch, that's because we have the best beer here in Oregon

  9. Carl, You should try a car accident once in a while...kinda like in Fight club. I have been in 6. Four times as a passenger. Once as Brian's passenger. I will never be the same...think I can still sue for mental anguish?


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