I'm beat. I'm going to bed. I have a an ugly arbitration scheduled for tomorrow, and I need my beauty rest. For your reading enjoyment, here are my favorite Craigslist personals from today's Portland Craigslist...
Learn the art of smoking a cigarette - mw4w (Westside)
We will teach you.
Intrigued?
Let's talk.
Sex is optional.
Looking for kink partner to enjoy my pee - 45 (pdx/tigard/bvrtn)
I'm hoping to find a compatible kink partner for regular and on-going get-togethers. You would appreciate that I am somewhat of a BBW and that I'm kinky. You would enjoy drinking straight from the source and cleaning me well afterwards and during. With the right person, we might enjoy more together. Single persons are encouraged to apply. I am Dominant and enjoy several kinks as well as vanilla and just plain old friendship.
Natural sperm donor - m4w - 32
Are you having trouble getting pregnant with your partner? Or are you wanting a baby on your own? Either way, there's no need for you to go to the expense and embarrassment of visiting a fertility clinic. Creating a child isn't supposed to be a clinical experience! A discreet private arrangement is much more relaxing and enjoyable for all concerned!
Professional man, dark hair, blue eyes, proven fertility. Contact me and let's discuss your needs and desires and see what we can arrange. Natural insemination. Discretion assured, and no hassles about having me interfere with your or the child's life later.
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I didn't get any takers on the third one yet. But I do make cute kids.
ReplyDeleteI thought those were all of Mr G&T's postings that weren't getting enough traffic on Craigslist, so he was recirculating them here...
ReplyDeleteMy favorite:
ReplyDeleteLearn the art of smoking a cigarette - mw4w (Westside)
We will teach you.
Intrigued?
Let's talk.
Sex is optional.
"We will teach you?" Hmm....learn the art of smoking
Do people really respond to these?
Why exactly are you even on the Craigslist personals?
ReplyDeleteMale lawyer wants his third nipple touched. Must be a midget and an amputee. Strange growths on side of nose can't be a distraction. Come poop on this naughty boy. Apply at gin and tonic lounge.com
ReplyDeleteMarried White Dentist seeking cheerleader smile for drilling and filling. Please be 18, but look younger. Also, please do no pull on my hair, as it may fall out in clumps.
ReplyDeleteOh, Dr. B, you sound so irresistable, can I get your number. I promise I'm over 18, but don't look a day over 16 and don't worry honey we don't have to focus on your hair....
ReplyDeleteAnonymous poses a good question...Why exactly are you even on the Craigslist personals?
ReplyDeleteJust sayin'....
With entries like the ones I posted, is it any wonder why I read them?? I skim over them every day!
ReplyDeleteThat ad is actually really good, can I use that?
ReplyDeleteI just need to add: must be blonde and have an IQ under 100.
Alcoholic diabedic attorney seeks nerdy pale redhead for battlestar galactica, naked blogging, and bbq cook out. Must be a Democrat and not opposed to strip clubs.
ReplyDeleteStangely, that applies to half my friends...
ReplyDeletePurple Man seeks eskimoe for tantric voodoo enchantment. I will eat your spleen. Touch my muscles fucker.
ReplyDeleteMarried Asian Woman seeking a nice nap and a lettuce sandwich
ReplyDeleteMWM seeking...
ReplyDeleteMy lovely wife. Aw, I love you sweetie poo, please just stop beating me with the ventriloquist dummy.
Gin and Tonic's ad, I believe it's "diabetic." You'll get no responses if you can't spell.
ReplyDeleteB.S.--I still fit your ad preferences, blonde hair, and dumber than a box of rocks....
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteLOL-- a lettuce sandwich? WTF?
ReplyDeletePoorly written pruriently-pandering narcissitic ego trip seeking readers. Must be easily ammused or persoannly fond of the blogger. Intimate knowledge of Battlestar Galactica and a law degree helpful, but not required. An open mind and a willingness to use it, preferred.
ReplyDeleteMust have wit.
Lurkers and NASCAR fans also welcome.
Marge's Craiglist Ad:
ReplyDeleteMWF seeking a cabana boy to come take care of all those chores around the house for me. Benefits include 2 loving children to play with, diapers to change, soccer practice to run to and from, games Saturday mornings...how could you resist that?
Lisa's craigslist ad:
ReplyDeleteinternetless welsh woman seeks man with fully working equipment....
and Helly's real ad:
Husband for sale. He cooks. He cuddles. And he can reach high shelves! $50 OBO.
Only $50 Helly?
ReplyDeleteouch... that "gin and tonic's ad says" kinda hits close to home (aside from the mispellings...)
ReplyDeleteI'm wondering who would write such a thing!?
lol
Eh... the older the item, the less it usually sells for. And he's not quite old enough to be considered "antique", so... I figure $50 will be enough to treat myself to a nice steak dinner or two ;-)
ReplyDeleteMitch, of course it hit home...why do you think the rest of us all hangout here throughout the day and yes the misspellings....spell check Mr. G&T, spell check....
ReplyDeleteHelly, go higher girl, think big, new clothes, a nice trip, etc...
ReplyDeleteI couldn't spell GERD the other day either. Its a wonder they passed me from high school.
ReplyDeleteHmm, good point Marge... only problem is I don't think I'd find a buyer willing to shell out that kind of dough... so I have to balance my desire for more earthly goods with the possibility that he'll actually sell...
ReplyDeleteDentist seeks dumb blonde who can share her speak and spell. Must like hot wheels and space legos.
ReplyDeleteI don't get it
ReplyDeleteI like Nascar, does that count as Hot Wheels? I can assure you I can spell better than Mr. G&T
ReplyDeleteFreakishly tall married Asian woman seeks better blog comments.
ReplyDelete5'7" is not freakishly tall
ReplyDeleteYes it is.
ReplyDeleteI'm surprised you didn't see my ad:
ReplyDeleteMust love cheese, fruit snacks and Moonlighting - ah heck - just all of the 80's. Not annoyed with tons of giggles and endless stories of little brother. If you make a mean Root bear float - I'll bring the blind fold and whip.
The 80s?
ReplyDelete*snicker*
Old people ;-P
Oh come on Helly you remember the 80s, no matter how young you may have been
ReplyDeleteThis is true. I was in junior high during the tail end of it, and still remember all those awful fashion trends. Then I riffle through hubby's yearbook (his 20-year reunion is this summer) and can't stop giggling! The horrors!
ReplyDeleteSomeone in Helly's house robbed the cradle!
ReplyDeleteWe must be near the same age, I was at the end of middle school in the late 80s...
Only 7 years... but that's sufficient to rub in the fact that he'll always be closer to the next decade-age-milestone than I am :-D
ReplyDeleteAs for me, I turn 31 in a few weeks...
We are the same age, I'll be 31 in June. My hubby's 6 years older and yes, I love to remind him he's much closer to 40 than I am....
ReplyDeleteHehe, my dig is that I'll still be closer to 30 than 40 when he finally hits that milestone. for some reason he doesn't look pleased when I say that ;-)
ReplyDeleteHis sister turns 40 next week, we got her a card that says "look on the bright side-- you've had as much fun as two 20-year-olds!"