Sunday, November 18, 2007

They Should Write Songs About Me

So, my dad was friends with this guy, see? And this guy, well, he was a bit of a hooligan. A well-meaning hooligan, but really, He liked to drink a little too much.

So, one day, after many years of rabble rousing, he decided to settle down, and he built for himself a fairly impressive beer hall. And his joint did quite the business. Seriously, folks from all over the place came to drink his beer. It was the best party every night.

Now, eventually, as these places always do, the beer hall began to attract certain unwelcome characters. But really, there was one young guy in particular who was a complete and total ass hole. Always starting fights, roughing up the crowd. He even started sneaking in at night after close.

Well, my dad's pal tried to keep this guy out, but he kept coming back. He hired security guys, but they were no match. No one would help. Not even the police. So, being young and cocky, I stopped by one night to see what I could do.

Sure enough, this bugger barged in while I was there, and wasted no time going berserk. I took stock of the guy, big, ugly, tended to drool, but I was confident I could take him.

So, we grappled a bit, did some damage, turned over a few tables. In the end though, I broke his arm...

...clean off.

Bleeding and whimpering, the bastard went running home to mama, which was a problem, because she was an even bigger bastard than he was.

And so, she and I had words, but eventually we ended up hittin it... So to speak.

In gratitude, my dad's buddy gave me the bar, which was sweet! Because, well, I like to drink.

Time passed, however, and I grew old. One day, this young, but familiar-looking, jerk off comes tearing into the bar, causing quite a ruckus. I obviously had to do something, and I was quickly reminded of my tussle with the earlier trouble maker. Turns out, though, this punk ass is the son of that old bitch whose other son I beat down. Funny, I thought, as I opened a can of whoop-ass, this guy looked a little like me...

(Oh, by the way, the movie is good, go see it in 3-D if you can...)

5 comments:

  1. You forgot to mention all the clever ways your wiener was obscured during the epic battle since you insisted on fighting naked (just like a drunk).

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  2. Hey - Per your previous post - It could be that readership is down, and no one is posting because of the nature of the Lounge entries...?

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  3. So, this post really sucked. I know. I was shooting for a joke that didn't work. I'd like to delete it, but instead, I'll just swallow my shame.

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  4. Ok, Im lost.

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  5. Alright, Dr. Brian, I'll explain it again. This guy comes into a talent agency and says to the guy, "Me and my family, we've got a hell of an act..."

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Be compelling.

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