Sunday, April 16, 2006


I stopped celebrating Easter 16 years ago.

Back when I was religious, I hated non-religious people who pretended to celebrate the uniquely-religious holiday. Easter-Christians, you know, those trashy jackasses who put on the fine clothes and truck their unruly kin to church for Easter Sunday service.

They didn't believe. They didn't care. They didn't make the sanctimonious sacrifices for God that I made on a daily basis. But they showed up once a year as a sort of spiritual fire insurance. Perhaps Jehovah wouldn't notice the other 51 Sundays that they were sleeping-off their hangovers, if they showed up to get "churched" on Easter.

Easter is a complete and wholly holy holiday. Either you buy the crucifixion and resurrection, as I once did; or your don't, as I now don't. Christmas has the same problem, but with the over-lapping winter solstice and generally-vague goodwill theme, secular Christmas can be defended. Easter, however, is all about blood and death and sin and repentance. It's a heavy message, no matter how many Peeps you've stuffed yourself with. I just don't understand the commercial-kiddy Easter. This is not a fun holiday.

But now I'm a dad, and I am entirely unable to deny the monkey anything. So this weekend we braved the chilly Oregon April rain storms to search for plastic prize eggs in the park, and I dyed the obligatory hard boiled eggs at the tall table. It was fun, and the white cups brimming with vinegar-smelling colors makes me happy. But now that the festivities are done, and something doesn't seem right.

Perhaps it was too much gospel for one day. Like a bad 1970s spy movie, my long-dormant psychological conditioning starts to stir. The woods are lovely dark and deep...

Mostly, however, I just feel dirty. What few principles I DO have, are so easily set aside for the sake of making my daughter happy. What sort of role model am I?

Oh well, at least the egg salad sandwiches are good.


  1. Brian smith8:03 AM

    The fact that you stated you have principles proves my point that lawyers are liars. Thanks, I needed that to help the sugar hang-over.

  2. It will only get worse as you buy her the barbies, the pink ipod, the cell phone, the car, the princess wedding.

    She owns your ass.

    Trust me.

    I know.

  3. Anonymous9:24 AM

    Easter is another holiday that originated with the fun-loving pagans. Do you really think it was the Christians who invented the idea of a god who is sacrificed and rises again? And that there is something unique about celebrating rebirth during Spring? Come on! Read your Joseph Campbell and learn a little something.

  4. yes, yes, Easter is but one more pagan rite ripped off by the church. However, the current incarnation of the holiday is the corner stone of christian tradition. From a thoelogical point of view, Easter is more important than Christmas.

    Oh and the word verification password below reads: "IBBGAY"

  5. Well, I hope you all enjoyed your Cadbury Creme Egg Omlettes and communed with the deity (marshmallow or otherwise) of your choice.

    I for one believe that it is the Church of Hallmark that perpetuates our constant incorporation of every holiday which ever existed into some bland, commercialized excuse to buy greeting cards and those spooky hummel-figures that have the eyes that follow you wherever you go in the room...!

  6. Let me just boil this all down to one tenet: You're a pussy. Thank you and good night.

  7. Correction: The egg salad Sandwiches aren't just good, they're spectacular!

  8. I love Jesus.

  9. According to Dan Brown, Jesus loved pussy too. Dan Brown said it. Not me...

  10. I came to the conclusion, on Sunday, that Jesus turned himself into a bunny and then crapped brightly-colored eggs all over Jerusalem for Easter Sunday. I wish he'd come back and do it again... oh wait... HE'S DEAD! If he ever existed in the first place.

    : D


Be compelling.

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.