Can someone please explain NASCAR to me.
OK, so, I frequently make fun of NASCAR, rednecks and hillbillies. I suppose my public derogation of others unlike myself, yet similar to distant members of my family, really just helps me feel better about myself. I recognize that. It causes me shame.
So, hmmm... I wonder whether there is anyone out there who can explain this thing to me.
And so, in an effort to see the other side, take a new perspective and give something new a chance, I sat down recently with a beer and some chips to watch some loud and colorful display of NASCAR engineering prowess.
From what it looked like to me, a bunch of guys were driving their cars in an oval, making a whole bunch of left turns. They would occasionally stop for gas and maybe a potty break. Then, sometimes, they would crash. Spectacularly.
That seemed to be just about it.
Oh, there were advertisements all of the cars and the people, but everything was moving so fast, I couldn't really read anything.
What confused me, really, was the crowd. It was HUGE. There were like a million people there to watch the cars go around the oval. And they were cheering. Loudly! However, I couldn't really figure out what they were cheering for. Were they cheering the cars? Like, do they support their favorite advertiser?
Go Pepsi car! Go Aquavelva car!!
Were they cheering the drivers? I don't think so. I mean that doesn't make sense. If the Pepsi car is faster than the Aquavelva car, does it make any difference who is pushing on the gas pedal?
Maybe they were cheering for the crashes. If so, I fear for the future of this world. Although, I guess I shouldn't judge. I mean, there is something for everyone I suppose. The Universe has seen fit to provide me with scotch, BBQ and Battlestar Galactica. Hillbillies should have their day at the races too, and fat hairy gay men should have all of the rough sweaty man love they can find as well.
Which leads me to gay porn.
"Gay Bear" porn, to be precise. Yes even our homosexual friends have fetishes and predilections...
Someone's been a bad boy.
C'mon, give him a cuddle.
For more information on this unique pastime, I recommend the Boise episode from Season 2 of Dave Attel's Insomniac series.
Oh, and I suppose that was NSFW. Although, that probably depends on where you work.
I can't explain the gay porn fetishes, but I cam tell you you're mostly right about NASCAR.
ReplyDeleteIt's a bunch of men and an occasional woman drivimg in circles. My hubby cheers for his favorite driver, not sponsor. I've found over the years he also cheers the crashes.
As for the crowds, yes it's amazing. We went to a race at Fontana. The people in the stands are cheering because they are drinking cheap beer out of plastic bottles and smoking pot during the race.
Anymore questions?
Glad to see you finally admit you like gay porn better than NASCAR. But then again, who doesn't?
ReplyDeleteOh yeah...I drank an avocado milkshake.
Oh, I see - the "how to"s all make sense now... bears...knots...trying up bears with knots...damn you're a clever little blogger boy aren't you?
ReplyDeleteI lived in Indiana for a spell. One hour outside the birthplace of the KKK- NASCAR is for those who cannot handle the complexities of real sports and fear cheering for minorities...
inog:try avocado bubble tea -condensed sweetened milk-hoards of fat-possibly more tasty then chicken feet/bear innards....but don't hold me to that
ReplyDeleteTry explaining a coffee bar or frisbie golf.
ReplyDeleteHere's the thing, there is an actual stradegy to the race and it's a team sport. There are pit stops in which 4 tires get changed and the gas tank gets filled in about 14 seconds. Two years ago they made a major design change to the cars to make them safer for the drivers... thanks to Dale Sr.'s death.
The drivers are athletes who must endure 120 temps and sit in their own urine. Much like you in fact.
But you wouldn't like NASCAR because they pray before every race.
In this last race, Dale Jr. wrecked into the wall and his crew was able to duct tape his car back together enough for him to finish
5th.
I knew Dr. B would be able to explain the strategies and such. There's also a point system and they're going for the most points to win the Nextel Cup at the end of the season.
ReplyDeleteSo, who's your driver Dr. B?
I get more pussy then 10 lawyers for turning left for 3 hours a week.
ReplyDeleteI pretty much like the Hendrick team: Dale Jr., Johnson, Gordon, Mears. Occasionally, I will laugh at Stewart as he throws his helmet at someone. I hate Kyle Bush #18.
ReplyDeleteFuck, Im a looser.
Dale Jr., you should try politics.
ReplyDeleteDale Jr. you get lots of pussy because you're hot.
ReplyDeleteB.S.--"We" and by "we" I mean hubby cause I don't watch, I just overhear every damn Sunday, also likes the Hendricks team. He was for Rusty Wallace, but he retired. And yes, Tony Stewart can be such a baby, but it's funny.
Hey, I wanna see more pictures of hairy guys in leather straps!
ReplyDeleteLife is what you make it.
ReplyDeleteSports. You should play sports.
Well, except for NASCAR.
Ok then on June 8th I'll be watching the Pocono 500 with Marge's husband recovering from too much alchohol and still smelling like a stripper factory.
ReplyDeleteB.S.-do you drink beer, fall asleep for most of the race and then catch the end to see who won? That's how Nascar watching occurs at our house.
ReplyDeleteso, basically it's Formula One with shit cars?
ReplyDeleteOh don't let Dr. B or my hubby hear you call them shit cars. They are very advanced cars with lots of fine tuning and special gadgets to make them go faster...but yes, a lot like Formula One, drive as fast as you can....
ReplyDeleteI like to take it in the ass
ReplyDeleteSo does Jeff Gordon, maybe Kyle and him can meet up after the next race.
ReplyDeleteI wanna see a photo of Dale Jr
ReplyDeleteThanks Dr B.
ReplyDeletenot really my type but he's OK I guess
I hope his car is faster than his website
There are no potty breaks in Nascar and it's called DISC GOLF!
ReplyDeleteWhy do they drink milk at the end? I was thinking that might be a gay reference.....please explain....I'm curious. And please let me know if that's really NOT milk.
ReplyDeleteThe drinks they have at the end of the race have to do with their sponsors. Most drivers have more than one sponser, so like the Budweiser car could also have Pepsi as a sponser and he would drink Pepsi at the end of the race, whenever on camera to promote his sponsor.
ReplyDeleteI've never seen anyone drink milk, but I suppose there could be milk sponsors. Dr. B would probably know more on that.
Milk is a tradition at the Indy 500 which was also this last weekend.
ReplyDeleteDanica Patrick will eventually move over to Nascar due to there being more fans and the money is better.
If that is true about the sponsors what happens if the viagra car wins?
The Viagra car driver gets lucky that night?
ReplyDeleteSomeone gets to cum in his mouth. Duh.
ReplyDelete