Submit!

I've been handed some pretty good ideas about submission projects. Next weekend, for instance, I think I will post photos submitted from folks who join us on Stripperpalooza.

Also, coming up, you'll have the opportunity to post semi-naughty public exhibitionist photos of yourself.

However, this weekend's submissions will be, in honor of Dr. B's arrival, your best (worst) high school photo. They will not be labeled, but everyone is free to guess.

And by "Best" high school photo, I mean something like this:



Tom, Dr. B and Familytrain, let me know whether you'd just like me to pick and choose from my collection for you...

Try to get your stuff into mrginandtonic@gmail.com by Monday night. I can add updated submissions as they come in if you are late...

Plans, and The Changes to Them

Friday plans are changing. Dr. B and I will be hitting the town for boys night out. You know, steak, scotch, cigars, pedicures and a transvestite oil massage. That means no BBQ.

Stripperpalooza is still on for Saturday, noon to midnight. I still need a head count! Let me know whether you are coming. We are arranging for non-drinking drivers so the rest of us can get shitty.

I Think Maybe I Need to Buy a Mac

Apparently, and this came as a total surprise to me, my subconscious has been blogging.

Submissions Strippers and Dentists

I have just a few loose ends to wrap up on this fabulous four-day-work-week Friday.

ITEM #1: Dr. B will be in Portland next Friday. My thought is to host a BBQ here at my house on Friday night after he arrives. Low key. Burgers and beer. Just a friendly meet-n-greet. Please let me know whether you are planning to stop by.

ITEM#2: Stripperpalooza. The first annual G&T Lounge Stripperpalooza will then take place on Saturday the 7th. I'm thinking noon to midnight, but that might be optimistic. I'm hoping to hit a dozen clubs in one day, moving on to the next club every hour on the hour.

Many of you have expressed interest in joining the quest. All G&T readers are invited and encouraged to join the fray. Many of you have never actually met each other. A few of you actually don't like each other. I, however, don't really give a rat's ass.

Whether you need to travel from Washington, Idaho, California, or Pennsylvania, you're welcome to join us. It would be helpful, however, to have a head count, so if you are going to join, please drop me a line at the mrginandtonic@gmail account.

ITEM#2.5: Designated drivers. I plan to get absolutely fucked up on the stripper tour, so, if you or someone you know would like to eat and drink sodas for free, in exchange for driving a minivan or two, please let me know as soon as possible.

Also, in response to your inquiries, both men and women are invited. Spouses, partners, dates, mothers, slaves, therapists and friends are also invited to come along.

I am currently working on the tour route. I hope to include Casa Diablo, The Viewpoint, Pirates Cove, the Safari Club, The Boom Boom Room, the Dolphin II, and many many others.

ITEM#3: Lastly, I believe that it is high time for another photo submission exhibition on the Lounge. Everyone seemed to have fun with the last one, and several fine folks expressed dismay that they did not participate. So, now, we just have to decide what to submit.

A few possibilities include: Bellybuttons, high school prom pictures, hand drawings of me, or nipples. Tell me what you think. I'll decide, and we can submit over the weekend.

ITEM LAST: The preview for this week's Battlestar Galactica suggest that Col. Tigh kicks Admiral Adama's ass. This IS must see TV...

Why Didn't I Think of This??

I think I need to buy a couple of Action figures...

God Bless America

It is nearly June, just a few weeks from the Summer solstice, and the gray misty weather is more reminiscent of March, or maybe February.

Now, don't get me wrong. I like the rain and I like the cold, but it does start to get a little wearisome after 8 months to wake up and get to work under a perpetual cloudy blanket.

Coffee, therefore, plays a large part in my daily ritual. Strong coffee, hot and black. Coffee is a religion here in the Pacific Northwest, much more fervently adhered to than any of the more traditional sin-based religions. This, after all, is the regional birthplace of Starbucks. (Seattle, yes Leah, I know)

Coffee. Everyone has an opinion. And it seems that every angle has been used to sell it. Make it cheap, make it easy, make it expensive, make it hard, make it strong, make it foofy. There are no less than four coffee houses doing brisk business within one block of my office, and that does include the ass-licking uber-cunts at the Coffee Plant... But I digress.

And so, that brings me to this very cold, dark and drizzly morning. The missus took the tots in to daycare this morning, and that left me with a choice of alternate commutes. It also afforded me the opportunity to tank up on Joe early in the drive and I carefully weighed my options.

I sauntered over to the East, to take the old Pacific Highway, taking a break from the monotonous I-5 drudgery. Then, it hit me. Then, I recalled. I suddenly knew very well where I would fetch my paper cup of liquid sunshine.

It was actually a recommendation from my wife, no less. A small drab coffee hut across the highway from the Dolphin. It has a drive up window, convenient for commuters, and it is staffed entirely by sexy baristas wearing skimpy underwear.

It is called Sadie's Hot Spot.

I pulled up to the broad counter and was met by a smiling hostess in a lacy white strapless thing. Her helper, behind her, was also friendly and wore a small patch of color-striped fabric that could probably be described as a bikini.

The service was cheerful and efficient. The coffee was good. The prices were less than Starbucks.

I left a 33% tip, and drove off with a happy smile.

Norma

Have you ever sat in the park, under a blue sky, listening to birds chirping and children laughing, watching the many and varied people wander by, and just quietly wonder to yourself: "Hmmm... I wonder who holds the record for having the world's largest natural breasts?"

Well, wonder no more.

Her name is Norma Stitz (not her birth name) and you can click HERE for her completely not-safe-for-work website.

Nascar and Gay Porn

Welcome back from the holidays.

Can someone please explain NASCAR to me.


OK, so, I frequently make fun of NASCAR, rednecks and hillbillies. I suppose my public derogation of others unlike myself, yet similar to distant members of my family, really just helps me feel better about myself. I recognize that. It causes me shame.

So, hmmm... I wonder whether there is anyone out there who can explain this thing to me.


And so, in an effort to see the other side, take a new perspective and give something new a chance, I sat down recently with a beer and some chips to watch some loud and colorful display of NASCAR engineering prowess.

From what it looked like to me, a bunch of guys were driving their cars in an oval, making a whole bunch of left turns. They would occasionally stop for gas and maybe a potty break. Then, sometimes, they would crash. Spectacularly.

That seemed to be just about it.

Oh, there were advertisements all of the cars and the people, but everything was moving so fast, I couldn't really read anything.


What confused me, really, was the crowd. It was HUGE. There were like a million people there to watch the cars go around the oval. And they were cheering. Loudly! However, I couldn't really figure out what they were cheering for. Were they cheering the cars? Like, do they support their favorite advertiser?

Go Pepsi car! Go Aquavelva car!!

Were they cheering the drivers? I don't think so. I mean that doesn't make sense. If the Pepsi car is faster than the Aquavelva car, does it make any difference who is pushing on the gas pedal?

Maybe they were cheering for the crashes. If so, I fear for the future of this world. Although, I guess I shouldn't judge. I mean, there is something for everyone I suppose. The Universe has seen fit to provide me with scotch, BBQ and Battlestar Galactica. Hillbillies should have their day at the races too, and fat hairy gay men should have all of the rough sweaty man love they can find as well.

Which leads me to gay porn.

"Gay Bear" porn, to be precise. Yes even our homosexual friends have fetishes and predilections...


Someone's been a bad boy.


C'mon, give him a cuddle.


For more information on this unique pastime, I recommend the Boise episode from Season 2 of Dave Attel's Insomniac series.


Oh, and I suppose that was NSFW. Although, that probably depends on where you work.

Set Phasers to Stun

Grizzly Anatomy

Class Mammalia, Order Carnivora, Family Ursidae (bears), Genus Ursus, species Arctos (grizzly bear and brown bear.)

Grizzly Bears are up to 7 feet (2.1 m) long and weigh up to 1,500 pounds (680 kg). Females are about 2/3 the size of males. Like all bears, they are plantigrade (flat-footed). The front claws are up to 4.75 inches (12 cm), almost twice as long as the rear claws. Newborns weigh only about 1 pound (0.45 kg), the size of a rat.

Popular Knots

1: Overhand Knot
2: Figure-eight Know
3: Reef (Square) Knot
4: Sheet (Becket) Bend
5: Carrick Bend
6: Bowline
7: Clove Hitch
8: Timber Hitch
9: Taut-line Hitch
10: Sheepshank

Portland Timbers

04/17/2008
07:00 PM
Puerto Rico Islanders
W 1-0

04/24/2008
07:00 PM
Minnesota Thunder
W 2-1

04/26/2008
07:00 PM
Seattle Sounders
W 2-0

05/08/2008
07:00 PM
Rochester Rhinos
T 0-0

05/10/2008
07:00 PM
@Seattle Sounders
T 0-0

05/16/2008
05:00 PM
@Puerto Rico Islanders
T 2-2

05/18/2008
03:00 PM
@Miami FC Blues
T 0-0

05/24/2008
07:00 PM
Vancouver Whitecaps

05/26/2008
02:00 PM
Miami FC Blues

05/30/2008
04:30 PM
@Montreal Impact

06/01/2008
03:00 PM
@Rochester Raging Rhinos

06/05/2008
07:00 PM
Minnesota Thunder

06/07/2008
07:00 PM
@Vancouver Whitecaps

06/12/2008
07:00 PM
Atlanta Silverbacks

06/14/2008
07:00 PM
Juventus Primavera

06/27/2008
05:00 PM
@Carolina RailHawks

06/28/2008
04:55 PM
@Atlanta Silverbacks

07/10/2008
07:00 PM
Puerto Rico Islanders

07/18/2008
04:55 PM
@Atlanta Silverbacks

07/19/2008
04:30 PM
@Charleston Battery

07/24/2008
07:00 PM
Carolina RailHawks

08/02/2008
05:05 PM
@Minnesota Thunder

08/07/2008
08:00 PM
Seattle Sounders

08/09/2008
07:00 PM
Charleston Battery

08/16/2008
07:00 PM
Montreal Impact

08/22/2008
08:00 PM
@Vancouver Whitecaps

08/27/2008
04:30 PM
@Montreal Impact

09/04/2008
07:00 PM
Miami FC Blues

09/06/2008
04:35 PM
@Rochester Raging Rhinos

09/11/2008
07:00 PM
Charleston Battery

09/20/2008
04:30 PM
@Carolina RailHawks

Beef Macaroni Casserole

Macaroni and ground beef meals are great everyday family meals, and this recipe is no exception.

INGREDIENTS:

1 1/2 pounds lean ground beef
1 cup chopped celery
1 cup chopped onion
1 can (14.5 ounces) tomatoes
3/4 cup uncooked macaroni, cooked and drained
1 1/2 cups shredded cheese
2 teaspoons Worcestershire Sauce
3/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon pepper

PREPARATION:

In a large skillet, heat oil over medium heat; add ground beef, celery, and chopped onion. Fry until beef is browned and onions are tender. Remove from heat and put into large casserole. Add the tomatoes, the cooked macaroni, shredded cheese, sauce, salt and pepper.

Bake at 350° for 30 minutes, until hot and bubbly. Sprinkle beefy macaroni casserole with chopped parsley, if desired.

Exchange

Country
Currency
ISO
05/21/08
05/20/08
Change

AUSTRALIA
Dollar
AUD
1.036944
1.041967
-0.4821%

AUSTRIA
Schilling
ATS
8.725516
8.784287
-0.6690%

BELGIUM
Franc
BEF
25.57985
25.75215
-0.6691%

CANADA
Dollar
CAD
0.984444
0.993049
-0.8665%

DENMARK
Krone
DKK
4.730687
4.762550
-0.6690%

EUROPEAN UNION
Euro
EUR
0.634108
0.638379
-0.6690%

FINLAND
Markka
FIM
3.770235
3.795629
-0.6690%

FRANCE
Franc
FRF
4.159476
4.187492
-0.6690%

GERMANY
Mark
DEM
1.240207
1.248561
-0.6691%

HONG KONG
Dollar
HKD
7.800956
7.801093
-0.0018%

INTNL MON. FUND
SDR
XDR
0.611907
0.614259
-0.3829%

IRELAND
Pound
IEP
0.499401
0.502764
-0.6689%

ISRAEL
Sheqel
ILS
3.324649
3.384557
-1.7700%

ITALY
Lira
ITL
1227.804
1236.074
-0.6691%

JAPAN
Yen
JPY
103.3538
103.6750
-0.3098%

KOREA (SOUTH)
Won
KRW
1040.561
1047.525
-0.6648%

MEXICO
Peso
MXN
10.36044
10.39666
-0.3484%

NETHERLANDS
Guilder
NLG
1.397390
1.406802
-0.6690%

NEW ZEALAND
Dollar
NZD
1.281076
1.289083
-0.6211%

NORWAY
Krone
NOK
4.989513
4.997317
-0.1562%

RUSSIA
Ruble
RUB
23.57948
23.68112
-0.4292%

SAUDI ARABIA
Riyal
SAR
3.750231
3.750246
-0.0004%

SINGAPORE
Dollar
SGD
1.357961
1.365865
-0.5787%

SOUTH AFRICA
Rand
ZAR
7.648357
7.640378
+0.1044%

SPAIN
Peseta
ESP
105.5067
106.2173
-0.6690%

SWEDEN
Krona
SEK
5.909053
5.928588
-0.3295%

SWITZERLAND
Franc
CHF
1.029763
1.037765
-0.7711%

TAIWAN
Dollar
TWD
30.48739
30.57388
-0.2829%

UNITED KINGDOM
Pound
GBP
0.508430
0.507592
+0.1651%

UNITED STATES
Dollar
USD
1.000000
1.000000
0.0000%
-

Gaeta's Lament

For those of you who were wondering after Friday's episode, just what the hell Gaeta was singing, here are the words:

GAETA'S LAMENT

Alone she sleeps in the shirt of man
With my three wishes clutched in her hand

The first that she be spared the pain
That comes from a dark and laughing rain

But wish no more, my life you can take
To have her, please, just one day wake
To have her, please, just one day wake

When she finds love, may it always stay true
This I wish for the second wish I made too

But wish no more, my life you can take
To have her, please, just one day wake
To have her, please, just one day wake.

(seems the third wish is missing)

Oregon and Kentucky

So, when the talking heads on CNN point out that the "highly educated and affluent democrats" in Oregon tend to support Obama, and the "other democrats" in Kentucky tend to support Clinton, are they really just saying that Hillary gets the ignorant inbred dumbfuck racist hillbilly vote?

Really?

Is that really what they're implying?

Gimmee Three Steps

Republicans

Pomegranate

Timbuktu phlebotomy periwinkle zenith crack-a-lack blimp Yorkshire trombone flatter fruity precise dogma lifted grammar fructose roger-dodger voluminous practicality hoover bishop banjo crinkle demand clamp-down bailiwick.

Asteroid phoenix ballyhoo watershed eternity fore-mast-jack yodel ringer trampoline velum Hoosier grenade quicksilver xanax zebra bottle-nose-dolphin lumpectomy jingoism pluck brittle fender cougar scalawag pulpit.

Treason solder glitch fulcrum batter Boston whence whosee-whatsits plastic vibrate dimple deride fester pimple toboggan genocide belch horror trinket french-fry delight delve tinker trollop syringe serenade surrender syrup offal exotic pretender quencher portend polite hirsute brick bicker bender bolster belated fuzzy filthy gunky richer welder robust veranda pilfer strategy wince rally holster pomegranate.

The Amazing Mystical Healing Hands of the Delightful Doctor B

Here is a picture of the hummingbird that Dr. B brought back to life this morning.

I believe it was Elfin Magic.

A Bunch of Dicks (Don't worry Josh, it's SFW)

Overheard in My Office

Best quote of the day:

"If I had any moral compass whatsoever, it would have offended me."

A Bunch of Assholes

I certainly hope no one assumes this refers to them...

Fine

You all want to conspire to end the Lounge?

Fine.

Enjoy the fucking Camel Toe.

Ned Redux

Yes Amanda, I do know how to use my camera.. If you'd like the 10mp version of this picture to blow up and hang on your wall, in which you can see the details of my pocket lint stuck to Ned's underbelly, just let me know...

I am home safe, but very tired. Coming up on the Lounge this week, look for stories about revisionist history, plastic pigs, and LSD...

Don't look for stories about Texas strippers, there won't be any.

And don't get me started on the stinking suck-hole that is Houston.

Oh, and, here is the current wallpaper on my home computer -click on it for greater detail-

***UPDATE***

Oh, and, here is you Ponygirl update for Monday...

Pig

I'll explain later. I do need a name for him though.