In the course of three days this weekend, we heard Sweet Home Alabama four times. The funny thing was we were nowhere near Alabama. It was one of those bizarre coincidences. It started to get creepy, like a dream, or a bad David Lynch movie.
The lawyer-conference thingy went fine. I learned some things. I met some people. I drank a lot of beer.
I played some disc golf. I read a book. I took a lot of naps.
On Friday, or maybe it was Saturday, I got the call. I had just returned from four hours of mind-numbing lecture, and my bowels needed to be exercised (as in casting out demons).
Sparing the details, I sat on the throne when the cell phone rang. It was Tom, so I answered. As I wallowed in my own stench, I got the news that Spawn-of-Tom had born. Healthy baby girl, regrettably not named "Brian." Labor was something like 84 hours. She was an astonishing 14 pounds, 11 ounces; full set of teeth, and a tattoo.
Congratulations to Tom and Mrs. Tom! And welcome Spawn-of-Tom to our universe.
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You know - the fact that I'm the first to respond to your blog can only mean one thing - everyone hates Tom.
ReplyDeleteOh by the way - the discription of you on the toliet was magical.
good point.
ReplyDeleteCongrats, Tom!
ReplyDeleteBrian, that birth announcement it was the sweetest I've ever seen. I was downright weepy.
an astonishing 14 pounds, 11 ounces; full set of teeth, and a tattoo.
ReplyDeleteWasn't sure if this was the baby or the crap....
Is there supposed to be some kind of unstated correlation between Brian taking a shit and Mrs. Tom giving birth? What does this say about how Brian feels about Tom?
ReplyDeleteHow much did Brian drink that he can't remember when Tom called? Or, was taking a shit so taxing that the mini-stroke he had is preventing him from remembering clearly?
I think I need to start writing the reading for comprehension questions.
Brian,
ReplyDeleteWow Tom waited until Sat. to call you? I wonder how far down the list you have dropped. Loser.
it was just a true, but humerous story. I genreally like Tom, although I like Mrs. Tom better.
ReplyDeleteAnd, yes, B.S., I'm surprised He called me at all. Donut shop must have been closed...
.........or out of rainbow sprinkles.
ReplyDeleteI had a baby?
ReplyDelete