Beer Goggles

The taunting has, of course, begun again.  Naturally.  Your bartender is here to take your barbs, but from Mrs. Gin and Tonic?

Already?

And just what is her complaint? What is the crux of her criticism?

She has criticized and scolded me for nothing less than not leading off with enough edgy smut... Not enough good old fashioned G&T T&A.

So.  OK.  Fine.  Back to familiar form we go.

Therefore, let me bend your ear, and lay plain the current grievance of my heart.  What, you may ask, is it these days that confounds me and causes consternation?  It is simply this, what to do with topless bartenders.

Sure, I see the confusion in your eyes.  I see you scanning back, trying to understand what it is that I just wrote.  Topless, yes, we understand that.  Bartender, wait, no, I am not talking about myself.  But the final pieces do not seem to fit.

Mr Gin and Tonic?  Confounded by a topless anything?  Say it ain't so!  Has our daringly-debaucherous icon lost his nerve?

Well, maybe, but that is beside the point.  It's a matter of manners and appropriate eye contact.  In business dealings, whether with high-powered corporate law-babes in high heels, or simply while ordering an egg mc muffin from the girl at the drive through, maintaining eye contact shows respect and keeps the peace.

Sure, there are times when the eye is appropriately appropriated to survey an alternate scene, but those opportunities are few and clearly defined.  And so, we come to the matter of the bar keep, who in an effort to increase tips, shows more of the goods than a bar patron may have bargained for.  To maintain eye contact while placing a drink order may signal an insensitive rejection of the heaving display.  To stare, though, flies in the face of good taste.

Fidgeting, therefore, ensues.  As does stammering, shuffling and mumbling small talk.  Squint.  Look at the time, order the quickest drink possible and inspect the stash of plastic garnish picks while she's pouring...

What to do?  I do not know.  Bikini coffee girls?  Great!  But bartenders?  Let's keep our shirts on.

        
Topless Nun
1/3 oz Peach Schnapps
1/3 oz Bailey's Irish Cream
Few drops - Sambuca
Mix the schnapps and Baileys in a shot glass, 
drip the Sambuca into the middle, making a small nipple-like dot...