How the Grinch Got Punked by Those Christmas-Loving Bitches

-By Quentin Terrantino (and Mr. Gin and tonic)

EVERY bitch
Down in Ho-ville
Liked Christmas a lot

But the Grinch
Who was Bad-ass, most certainly
Did Not

The Grinch hated Christmas, and the suckers who dug it!
But don't ask him why cuz he'd tell you to "Suck it."
It could be he hadn't got laid in a while.
It COULD be his pending lewd-conduct trial.
But I think that the most likely reason to be
That his prostate was swollen and he just could not pee.

But,
Whatever the reason,
His dick or his crime,
He just hated Christmas, and had too much time.
So he stood looking down at the bitches and ho's,
Who were selling their asses, their breasts and their toes.
Christmas cash, every ho in ho-ville was earning,
Profiting from cheap thrills and the yearning...

"They're laughing and drinking and fucking like bunnies.."
"Slapping their asses and stuffing their cunnies..."
Then he growled, with his Grinch fingers nervously clicking,
"I must find a way to stop all this holiday dicking."

For tomorrow
He knew...

Was the big festive day
For all down in Ho-ville
Whether straight or quite gay.

All the hoes and the bitches, the marks and the Johns
Would feast and get rowdy before getting it on.
And the Crowd and the stench and the great carnal din
And the horribly opulent circus of sin...

And THEN they'd do something he liked least of all
Every ho down in Ho-ville, the fat and the tall
Would lie close together and start with the moaning.
They'd roll and they'd rub and the hoes would start groaning

They'd groan and they'd groan.
They'd moan moan moan moan!
And the more that the Grinch would consider this moaning,
The more the Grinch though,"I must stop this boning."

Then he got an idea!
A wicked idea!
THE GRINCH GOT A MOTHERFUCKING WICKED IDEA!

"Oh, fuck this shit, I'll teach them a lesson."
And the Grinch looked around for his old Smith and Wesson.
"I'll kill them all cold; It's really quite fair."
And when he stormed into Ho-ville, he was loaded for bear...

Ho-ville was quiet, the frolic was done.
And he slunk down the street, and he pulled out his gun.
Until, from a window, a ho said, "Hey, hun..."
He said to himself, "This is stop number one"

He kicked in the door, and he made quite a noise.
He was then quickly assaulted by a barrage of sex toys.
Dildos and handcuffs and beads of all sizes...
But he was hurt most of all by the spanking devices.

Then the Grinch was confronted by, yes, you know who...
A giant transvestite by the name, "Cindy-Lou."
She had been a marine just before turning tricks,
She could bench 350, but loved to suck dicks.

"You ain't no Santy Claus," Cindy-Lou said.
"And I am gonna hit you hard in the head."
Just then the Grinch ducked and pointed his piece.
And he shot, but he missed and killed Cindy-Lou's niece.

Then there was a great tussle right there on the spot
And at once the old Grinch knew that he had been shot.
He was bleeding, he knew, it was simple to see,
Perhaps in the leg or the hip or the knee.

He punched and he kicked, though losing the bout.
The end was quite close, as he was bleeding out.
"I still win in the end." The dying Grinch said.
"No more Christmas for me, because I will be dead."

The Grinch was laid out, all cold in the snow.
Iced-over by morning. (It was 20 below...)
And they say his heart stopped from the shooting and thumping
But he died with a grin, free from holiday humping.